Saturday, April 29, 2006

Twinkies


Here's what a Twinkie is: TWINKIE - a "Golden Sponge Cake with Creamy Filling" created by Hostess

I needed to get small bills to put in the box at the trail head today so I stopped at a gas station and bought a pack of Twinkies. "The Artist's Way" has an exercise where you write down some of your favorite foods as a kid. Everybody loves Twinkies and AJ and I were just talking about how they are one thing that was on both our lists.

I will never eat another Twinkie. EVER.

Not only are they SO sweet that they are almost bitter, they are full of the worst junk ever known to man. Let's go over some of the ingredients:

1-Enriched Wheat Flour - enriched with ferrous sulphate (iron), B vitamins (niacin, thiamine mononitrate [B1], riboflavin [B12] and folic acid)
Basically they bleach the flour to make sure there aren't any more pesticides or any other crap in it. Then they put a bunch of things back in to try and make up for everything they killed.
2-Sugar
The first "real" ingredient.
3-Corn syrup
Sugar alone isn't sweet enough. It's also not the right texture. Corn syrup isn't too bad.
4-Water
Real ingredient #2
5-High fructose corn syrup
This is the killer. Avoid this at all costs. See, sugar and corn syrup aren't sweet enough together even, so they had to add this crap. Your body doesn't know what to do with it. It's unnatural in this form. They took 2 molecules and smashed them together to make a pseudo-molecule that's extra tasty sweet. But, in that form, your body can't digest it right. It knows it's sweet, so it makes some insulin to try and break it down, but it doesn't work. Your body stores the High Fructose Corn Syrup and you get fat and the extra insulin makes you diabetic. Hello modern America.
6-Vegetable and/or animal shortening (containing one or more of partially hydrogenated soybean, cottonseed or canola oil, lard and beef fat)
This is so it tastes rich and good. The more fat in there, the more your tongue will be able to taste every morsel. Why the hell they need 5 kinds of fat... that's just insane.
7-Dextrose
This is another name for Glucose. Why change the name? Maybe to hide what it is from the public? Who knows. It's another sweetener because the other 3 aren't enough.
8-Whole eggs.
The 3rd real ingredient.

Then there's a bunch of extra stuff to put it in a nice little package for your enjoyment.

Contains 2% or less of:
Modified corn starch
Cellulose gum
Whey Leavenings (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, monocalcium phosphate)
Salt
Cornstarch
Corn flour
Corn syrup solids
Mono and diglycerides
Soy lecithin
Polysorbate 60
Dextrin
Calcium caseinate
Sodium stearol lactylate
Wheat gluten
calcium sulfate
Natural and artificial flavors
Caramel color
Sorbic acid (to retain freshness)
Color added (yellow 5, red 40)

Now you know.
And knowing is half the battle.
Don't eat Twinkies. They'll kill you.

6 comments:

Mom said...

haven't had a twinkie in forever....my downfall are brown sugar cinnamon frosted poptarts! :) I DON'T want to know bad those are for me!

Hose Head said...

Dang Jason, I give the darn things out in my class as an example of foods from the US. Of course I include some of the other 4 food groups of Ho-Hos, Ding-Dongs and Little Debbie Oatmeal Cookie sandwiches.
Do you remember the Twinkie wiener sandwiches on UHF? Don't forget to add the cheese wiz!

belle said...

I do remember Carrie and I staying with you in someones trailer home..? Like a friend...or a grandma or something.. and we ate twinkies..and YOU said, "we are gonna freeze them...cuz they are really good frozen!" Oh...time's how they've changed. Not that she's amazing...but you shoulda seen Oprah today...thats excatly what the show was about. Not TWINKIES to be exact...but all the things listed in the 'ingredients' section that you shouldn't even touch.

Mr. Legs said...

Thank you for deconstructing the Twinkie!

Do they have hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils in them? That's another tasty ingredient that's in everything from Snickers to Peanut Butter. (Make sure you buy natural PB) It makes you old and fat and eventually dead.

Mmmmmmm...delicious!

Jim said...

Screw Twinkies! Go with ZINGERS, Man! ZINGERSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spaceJASE said...

Indeed Mr. Legs - ingredient #6 is oils of the evil sort. Hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated...

*sigh* The days of old are far far away. Frozen Twinkies were SO good. I'm betting that back then they weren't as bad for you. er... ME.